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Joke of the Day

"""2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS,"" I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle."

"There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data..."

"""You a cop?"" UNDERCOVER COP: No. ""So you wouldn't mind if I ... threw these donuts away?"" UC: *sweats profusely*"

"Two potatoes on a street corner There are two potatoes on a street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute? It's the one with the little sticker on it that says I-da-ho!"

"What do broccoli and sex have in common? NSFW If you were forced to have it as a child you're gonna hate it as an adult."

"In high school, everyone used to call me the class clown it was probably because of the face paint."

"Just started coaching some retarded children in football The passing isn't very good yet, but the dribbling is fantastic."

"Two fat Scottish sounding women in my bar tonight... ""Hey, are you two from Scotland?"" I asked. ""It's WALES you fucking idiot,"" one yelled. I apologized, ""Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"""

"What do you call a colored man ? A Hueman"

"If you watch Twitter backwards, it's about millions of socially-awkward people gradually learning how to survive in the real world."