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Joke of the Day

"[Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved"

"Fred the Uncharitable Shepherd When asked about his personality, Fred the Uncharitable Shepherd replied: ""I don't give a flock."""

"Why do chicken coops have 2 doors? Because if they had 4 doors it would be chicken sedans."

"On a date, she said ""You smell nice. What have you got on?"" ""I've got a hard on. But I didn't know you could smell it."""

"Unfortunate sign in discount warehouse near a retirement community: Shop till you drop!"

"[roadtrip] ME: I need a bathroom break FRIEND: no stops for 2 hours, use that Gatorade bottle ME: um...ok...now how am I supposed to wipe?"

"What happened to the man who sent a group of crows to the insane asylum? He went to jail because he commit a murder."

"If Ben Franklin was a Nazi, how would he have discovered electricity? By frying kikes."

"""how was self-deprecating rap battle?"" I don't want to talk about it ""come on what happened?"" they saw my porsche ""oh ouch"""

"Fidel Castro is dead Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals."