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Joke of the Day

"[Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved"

"You know what's really great about being a Democrat in Texas on Super Tuesday? No waiting in line. (An hour and a half wait if you were a Republican.)"

"Saw Bono kissing himself in the mirror. I looked at him in disgust and said.... ""Get a room U2!"""

"I won't block you, but I will put a curse on you that you'll never be able to finish a sneeze ever again for the rest of your life."

"Why does the French flag have Velcro? So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war."

"Dark humour is like food not everybody gets it."

"Fish Pickup Lines: ""Hey, baby. Wanna come over to my place and make caviar?"""

"I like musical instruments that you blow into. They're pretty... *Breathtaking*"

"Do you know how to make 5 lbs of fat look good?. Put a nipple on it!"

"Sharks don't like the taste of human flesh, which must mean they are drama queens who only eat people for attention."