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Joke of the Day

"Nothing like sitting on a chair at your kid's school to inspire you to never eat cookies again."

"I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea He said he couldn't complain"

"I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists I will call it, Ji-hotties"

"Before I rush off to the bathroom to pee, I just wanted to tell you what a good friend you are to me. On a scale from 1 to 10... *urinate*"

"Why do ghosts make the best thieves? Because possession is 9/10 of the law"

"What do you call a bad Cubs game? Unbearable"

"What does a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it."

"Scandium, Iodine, neon, corium. What is it? It's Science. UPDATE: I'm an idiot"

"I think back to all the times I've masturbated up until now... ...its just nice to know how far I've cum."

"What do you call a rainbow of Jeeps in the driveway? Roy Jeep Biv"