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Joke of the Day

"What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted some ice cream? Sherbert. (I can't take credit for this amazing piece of comedy. Heard it from a friend, no idea if he came up with it or not.)"

"How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? You wave :)"

"No thanks ""protected account"". You can't trick me into following you! For all I know, you could be a vegan."

"Your mom is temporarily in read-only mode due to heavy traffic. The joke is Reddit's servers. Get it together!"

"What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine? When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after"

"Employer: ""In this job we need someone who is responsible."" Applicant: ""I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."""

"What does Elvis say when he gets an infection that standard antibiotics can't treat? MRSA!"

"If you use your alarm to look for your car in a parking lot someone will eventually help you find it by yelling ""It's over here you idiot!"""

"Why are homosexuals so well dressed? Because they didn't just spend all that time in the closet doing nothing..."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Without a penis."