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Joke of the Day

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Without a penis."

"Three is fore for four. And aft to two too."

"The bad news: I shaved off my beard. The good news: none of my co-workers recognize me and have stopped talking to me."

"Why couldn't they show the orchestra concert on TV? There was too much sax and violins."

"Yo momma so fat... I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"Why did the one-eyed pirate keep running aground? No depth perception."

"Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay? He had served his sentence."

"Unless you can explain how you know me in three words or less, Facebook Friend Request: DENIED."

"FIRST TIME SEX My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: ""What are you doing?"" Me: ""I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering."

"If history has taught me anything, it's that the person with the loudest, wettest cough will always sit down beside me in a waiting room."