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Joke of the Day

"I didn't like the fungi at first, But then it grew on me."

"1. that's not a pregnancy test, and 2. you're pissing on my flash drive"

"My friend says that I've lost touch with reality but I told the pillow, that was absurd and to lower his voice before he woke the avocado."

"Did you hear about the guy who tied to put his package into tried to put his package into the mail box? He thought it was a fe-mail box"

"Going from Obama to Trump is like going to a nice restaurant but it's full so u leave and have to eat an old ketchup packet from ur car"

"What do you call a Paraplegic runner? A Boston Marathon Victim."

"It's uncomfortable talking about how i got my cat fixed last week... But sometimes you gotta call a spayed a spayed"

"Candidate, with lisp, interviews for executive position at Citibank Interviewers: ""Alan, where do you see yourself ten years from now?"" Alan: ""Running shitty bank."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Blood ! Blood who ? Blood brothers !"

"How do you fit 4 guys on a bar stool? Turn it upside-down. But how do you get them off? Shake the stool. ^(OK, I'll leave now.)"