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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: people around the office think you're too controlling Me: what's that? Coworker: oh, sorry *raises hand*"

"I used to do this impression where I was a blind anaesthetist; stopped 'cause the audience wasn't feelin' it and I couldn't see the point."

"What bleeds once a month in the mouth? Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that"

"What do you call a fanny on a fanny on a fanny? A block of flaps"

"What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking ""Why"" over and over? ""Because I saw so."""

"What is a jewish golfer's favorite vegetable? A parsnip."

"Why did the kittens turn atheist? Coz their eyes opened."

"What do you call it when the stars align for a mustard thief? A Gulden's opportunity."

"What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair black? Artificial intelligence."

"Snowmen Doe's anyone know the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? No? well I'll tell you snowballs."