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Joke of the Day

"I put another shrimp on the barbie and now Ken is all pissed off."

"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired ( )"

"""So, why do you want to be a veterinarian?"" [pictures an army of cyborg dogs with laser eyes and jet packs] ...I love to help animals."

"I have a time machine for sale. If interested, call me two weeks ago."

"I didn't think my golf joke was that good, but everyone kept assuring me it was subpar."

"Hubby took the kids downstairs and is letting me sleep in! I'm so excit..never mind, I hear crying already. I think it's my husband."

"*Burglar breaks into my room* *he looks around* *he softly wakes me up* Dude do you need some money or something? I'd be happy to help"

"What will happen if somebody were to kill all Scotsmen? They will get off scot-free."

"Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him."

"My 10 yr old daughter was saying how stressful life is but she did add ""well, at least I've managed to go 10 years without drinking"""