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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a retarded Flo Rida? Slo Rida"

"How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None; they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw. Heard from my friend"

"Girlfriend just called me by my full given name.This is gonna end poorly."

"Doctor: ""We got your test results back. I'm so sorry--it's Curiosity."" Cat: ""Oh my god..."""

"What kind of sword is good for chopping up young girls? A cutlass."

"Think of a number 1 through 10. Double it, Subtract 1, add 20, multiply it by 5, add 2, divide by 2, close your eyes, dark, isn't it?"

"A man walks into a brothel and says ""Gimme that woman right there."" She's my wife, this isn't a joke."

"I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't."

"I was on a date other day when the girl said she wanted to start a long distance relationship using semaphore. Raised a couple of red flags..."

"Im so glad I learned sign language its pretty handy"