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Joke of the Day

"Think of a number 1 through 10. Double it, Subtract 1, add 20, multiply it by 5, add 2, divide by 2, close your eyes, dark, isn't it?"

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"A tangent applied for a credit card, but was denied. He couldn't find anyone willing to cosine."
"Pro tip: Instead of having kids, just adopt a couple raccoons. They'll trash your house too, but at least they can feed themselves."
"*12 pulls a gray hair out of my head* M: Wow, look at that! 12: Hang on. There's A LOT more! M: 12: Can I get paid for pulling these out?"
"[NSFW] I was walking home when I heard a homeless guy yell .. I was walking home when I heard a drunk homeless guy yell -"" You motherfucker , your daughter is your sister"""
"I'm going to bed tonight at a reasonable hour so I can be extremely obnoxious at an unreasonable hour tomorrow."
"What do you call a gay milkman? A dairy queen."
"Why is Vanilla Ice scratching his head? Lice. Lice, maybe."
"What's the difference between a reindeer and a caribou? Caribou can't fly."
"A criminal burgles into a dormitory... He yells at one of the students: ""I'm looking for money!"" The student calmly replies: ""What a coincidence, I am too!"""