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Joke of the Day

"I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't."

"i hate when the news guys say ""our nation's capital"". stop jerking us around and tell us what city it is"

"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."

"LPT: Converting your dishwasher into a snow blower! Give the bitch a shovel!"

"What do Scottish owls sing? Owld Lang Syne."

"Why did Elton John's trucking company only work weekends? Because Saturday nights alright for freighting."

"My ass is a woman tonight It won't shut the fuck up."

"The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating."

"What do Amy Schumer and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts."

"Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing."