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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a brothel and says ""Gimme that woman right there."" She's my wife, this isn't a joke."

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"Teen girl in mirror ""I look like death!"" [Meanwhile in Hell] Death scoffs & flips his hair ""Yeah, as if"""
"The Violin Ensemble playing in Carnegie Hall somehow got an R-18 rating... The censors say it contains explicit scenes of violins encore."
"What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth? Geek Squad"
"[Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot"
"Why is the British weather like Islam? Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite"
"How do you recycle a condom? NSFW Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it."
"Me: Anyone else get the feeling their being watched? ... CIA: They're*"
"2 reasons not to drink toilet water: Number 1 and number 2."
"Don't you just hate it when you can't go to someone's funeral Because that person is still alive?"
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