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Joke of the Day

"I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash."

"Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab? Because it will create pandamonium"

"Superwife! Gets pissed faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than your longest friendships. Leaps your decisions in a single bound."

"She told me she'd do anything for 20 bucks. Guess who just got his Mustang washed."

"I've been standing in IKEA with a lamp shade on my head for 3 days, hiding from the cops."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Need to know ASAP."

"What did president Obamas father say when he was born? Oh, He's Barack. pronounced with a bad asian-english accent."

"Looking at you, I understand why some animals eat their young."

"How are having sex in a canoe and American beer alike? They're both fuckin' close to water"

"Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt. ""That was dope!"""