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Joke of the Day

"What's a fish's favourite band? Stickelback!"

"Arrhythmia, blocked arteries, leaky valves, ""Hey, I found you on Twitter"" and other things that will suddenly stop your heart."

"Your huge boobs really bring out my eyes."

"My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he's just a lamp so what does he really know anyway"

"My dad's addicted to christmas dinner But he's been cold turkey every meal since."

"what do bieber and grumpy cat have in common? What do bieber and grumpy cat have in common? They are both pussies who were discovered on the internet."

"I like my women how I like my books With an amazing climax"

"Her: u have a choice its me or the megaphone Me: fine Her: good Me: [puts megaphone directly to her ear] I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE"

"I wonder how many old people have died trying to cut open tennis balls to put on their walker."

"I called the bookstore and asked if they had any books about constipation. She told me it hasn't come out yet"