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Joke of the Day

"My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he's just a lamp so what does he really know anyway"

"I am the best at avoiding competition."

"The human body is 80% water, so we are basically just cucumbers with anxiety."

"*approaches man sitting at the bar Me: would you like to dance Him: yeah! Me: that's great because I need to sit down"

"if ur ever in a scary movie situation and find that the phone cords been cut just act like the phone still works thatll confuse the bad guy"

"I'm busy hiding all of the tissues in my house... So when Santa comes tonight he will have to use his beard"

"So two astronauts walk into a club on the moon... One says to the other, ""Let's bounce, this place has no atmosphere"""

"Finally, track and field. Where the men are men and the women are too..."

"What did they priest say when he got censered? Holy smoke!"

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. We don't address hardware issues."