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Joke of the Day
"I like my women how I like my books With an amazing climax"
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"How did one tire get the attention of another tire? pssssssssssst"
"What did Melania Trump say after being stopped by an officer? License and registration, please."
"My brother shit himself.... my mom said holy shit"
"Three seals walk into a club... Martyrdom"
"MC HAMMER: U can't touch this! ... U can't touch this! MASSAGE THERAPIST: Please just let me do my job Mr. Hammer! MC HAMMER: U can't tou..."
"[job interview] Interviewer: ""Do you have any questions for me?"" Me: ""How strong is the wifi signal in the restroom?"" Interviewer:"
"What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'? A monster in a traffic jam."
"*calls boss* Me: I can't come to work. Boss: Why not? Me: Gotham city needs me. Boss: ...You're not Batman. Me: Oh, yes, yes, exaaaactly."
"If I had to describe myself in one word... ...it would be ""bad at following directions."""