48358

Joke of the Day

"""Too soon"" joke? Did you hear about that International France Futball game last night? I heard it was the bomb."

"I make the stupidest excuses just to skip the gym. *burns tongue while drinking coffee* ""Oh no! I really wanted to go to the gym today!"""

"Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!"

"A man walks up to a cop on a horse... ...wow! That's a nice pig you've got! \-- That's not a pig, sir, but a horse. \-- I'm not talking to you!"

"Why did Skrillex's girlfriend dump him? Because he D-D-D-D-DROPPED THE BABY."

"I feel bad for my Roomba, so every other day I vacuum while it sits on the couch watching TV and drinking beer."

"[at interview] ""ok 1st question you're on a submarine you find a dog, what do you call him"" umm ""..."" subwoofer? ""welcome to the navy seals"""

"If advil is ibuprofen, and tylenol is acetaminophen, what is viagra? Micoxafalin."

"Egypt is one of those rare countries whose ""good old days"" were in 2,000 B.C."

"My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker... ...so I told her to roll them tighter."