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Joke of the Day

"I make the stupidest excuses just to skip the gym. *burns tongue while drinking coffee* ""Oh no! I really wanted to go to the gym today!"""

"One day a skunk and an opossum go to church. They had to sit in their own pew."

"The fact that there is even such a thing as ugly hookers tells you pretty much all you need to know about men."

"Why did the black person cross the road? To fry the chicken."

"A pizza shop owner was found dead covered in pepporoni, mushrooms, ham and pineapple. Word is...he topped himself."

"I like my women the way... I like my wine...12 years old and in the cellar."

"My wife told me to put the kids to sleep last night. She said it was too hard for her, but I've been waiting for those little shits to die since day 1."

"god bless the 1st weatherman to dress as danny zuko & plead with sandy"

"How did the Italian die? Talking while driving."

"It took eating 1 chocolate covered almond for me to make the decision that I will eat like shit for the rest of the day."