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Joke of the Day

"[phone rings] Mum: your grandad isn't well. I'm afraid he's on his deathbed Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then"

"What do you call an Irish guy who can't keep off the weight? McFatagain! I'm sorry."

"I'd submit a joke about the World trade center building But 9/11 Americans wont get it."

"He died doing what he loved; shouting 'boo!' behind horses."

"In his new book of poems, John Ashbery rhymes ""coagulate"" with ""indeed."" It's like he's not even trying."

"We shouldn't send our trash into space, that's how you get space raccoons"

"Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem... The other 96% said ""que dijo?"""

"What's the difference between a cockerel and a prostitute? A cockerel says cock-a-doodle-do. Whereas a prostitute says any-cock-will-do."

"Me: What are you doing in your pajamas still? 3 year old: Eating frosting. Me: Fair enough."

"I wonder if internet commenters ever get tired of solving the world's greatest problems."