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Joke of the Day

"A person wearing a 'Snitches Get Stitches Shirt' I walked up to him and asked him where he got it. He said, ""At the local mall"" I beat his ass up."

"Interviewer: ""What did you like best about your last job?"" Me: ""Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."""

"I had some Taco Bell the other night. Shit was spewing out of my ass at 88mph. Now everyone at school calls me Doc Brown."

"Lock myself in the bathroom for an hour and a half to get ready. Come out looking exactly the same, but my phone's at 9% and I have to pee."

"What do snakes take for their sniffles? Antihissssstamines!"

"So this bloke said to me... He said "" I once got my dog to bring back a stick thrown 100 miles away"". I said ""that's a bit far-fetched"""

"Why couldn't the leopard play Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? A: Because he was always spotted."

"good parents A mother said to her son, ""Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving."" The son replied, ""Maybe he has good parents then!"""

"Why does the doctor spank the baby after birth? To knock the dicks off the dumb ones."

"I don't need a tat to look hard. Just a pic of your mom..."