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Joke of the Day

"Lock myself in the bathroom for an hour and a half to get ready. Come out looking exactly the same, but my phone's at 9% and I have to pee."

"What do you use when you have dry eyes? Moist-your-eyes-er"

"Why did the duck get arrested? because he was smoking quack!"

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish.... And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime."

"What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU? Women Say the Darndest Things"

"There will never be a 'Previously on' preview where my stoner husband doesn't say, 'We've seen this one.'"

"Two cannibals are eating a clown... One stops and asks the other, ""Does this taste funny?"""

"Why did the hippy drown at the beach? Because he was too far out mannnn."

"It's hurts for me to say this... But I have a sore throat."

"It's an age-old question, but which came first, the chicken or the egg? The rooster."