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Joke of the Day

"ME: Good date? FRIEND: Ok. Until he got undressed ME: Then what? FRIEND: [sticks out pinky finger] ME: Ah. Then he drank tea in a fancy way"

"Dad would you like to save some money? I certainly would son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike then I won't wear my shoes out so fast."

"It's funny how red, white and blue represents freedom until its flashing behind you to pull over"

"What do you call it when you say ""please"" and ""thank you"" during sex? common Coitusy"

"What is Donald Trump's favorite Counter Strike map? de_port"

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "

"nothing sucks more than someone ignoring your texts i mean maybe like getting stabbed to death but that's not much worse"

"I fell asleep at 3:45. My 5yo woke up at 6:30. Use protection, young people."

"Why is school like a boner? It's long and hard...unless you're asian."

"What did Achilles say when he got hit by an arrow? Aww heel no! Kill me right now."