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Joke of the Day

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "

"What do ghosts get arrested for? Possession."

"Wanna know what makes me smile? Face muscles"

"There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it's hot."

"There are two cow's are in the field and the cow said moo and the different cows said that's what I was going to say!!!!! Because they are cows"

"""I have a hard time with faces. One time I mistook a wolf for my dead grandmother LOL!"" - Little Red Riding Hood, talking to a coat rack."

"The other day I asked my wife to hand me the news paper. She said, ""Silly you, just use my Ipad.""... That spider had no fucking idea what hit it."

"A. 34 Q. How many seconds can I watch a BRILLIANT, ADDICTIVE, SMART television show before checking the internet?"

"My sister's husband overdosed on Viagra... she took it hard."

"The wife wants me to be a doctor in our sex role playing. So I guess I'll make her wait an hour, then send her to a specialist"