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Joke of the Day

"The good news is, I blocked the creepy guy. The bad news is, I'm tweeting this from inside his trunk."

"What did the glass of water say to his son who is obsessed with becoming ice? It's just a phase."

"[ShowerThought] If George Bush had Affordable Healhcare Act Would it have been called Bushcare?"

"I hate sitting comfortably on the couch and then discovering my phone is more than an arm's length away. Also more than a leg's length away."

"Which stretches further, skin or rubber? Skin. It says in the bible, Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked 10 miles."

"wait, do bisexuals experience sexual attraction twice a year or once every two years"

"I married a French girl and had three sons We named our first son Antoine. We named our second son Anteux. We named our third son Antthree."

"Canadian castles... They really aren't my fort-eh."

"There was a surprising surge in Republican support for Syrian Refugees today They found out 80% of the islamic refugees supported punishing gay people and bans on pre-marital sex. *pew-polls*"

"Curiosity killed the cat. NASA apologized profusely."