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Joke of the Day

"There was a surprising surge in Republican support for Syrian Refugees today They found out 80% of the islamic refugees supported punishing gay people and bans on pre-marital sex. *pew-polls*"

"Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France."

"Tomorrow...trade cell phones with your significant other for the day...see how many of you are single by the end of the day..."

"Boss: Project's way behind. Suggestions? I'm willing to try anything. Me: *raises hand* Him: Anything but ""helper monkeys"" Me: *lowers hand*"

"A blonde is at the diner A blonde is at a diner and when the waitress comes to take the order, the blonde reads the name tag out loud: 'Debbie, how sweet.... what do you call the other one?'"

"I recently switched over to cinnamon flavored toothpaste so when I do brush my teeth, I can't tell how much my gums are bleeding."

"You know, they said it would take a few years for my medical practice to get off the ground... But I just don't have the patients."

"3 men in a boat with 4 cigarettes but no way to light them. What do they do? Throw one cigarette away and the boat becomes one cigarette lighter."

"Owning a sword is like being a horny priest... Owning a sword is like being a horny priest, even though you want to, you can never use it without breaking the law."

"Pro Tip: Make sure you're physically fit when arguing with a mime. They speak the language of the body."