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Joke of the Day
"Canadian castles... They really aren't my fort-eh."
Next Joke
"Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car? [presses key button] [tiny orange light flashes on the moon] god dammit"
"Why didn't the mason jar need a paternity test? Because the resemblance was uncanny."
"Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you."
"To where going Batman running fast? To the Bathroom"
"(My romance novel) ""You have a pretty face,"" he said. ""Thank you,"" she said, lifting up her bangs. ""I've got even more face under here."""
"*looks under bed* *checks closet* *shuts light, runs to bed* *pulls covers over head* *ice maker dumps ice* *dies from cardiac arrest*"
"What do you call a man who cleans out toilets ? Lou !"
"Glad my name's not Dan. Too much pressure to be the man."
"Irish weather is like a Muslim... Its either Sunni or Shi'ite"