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Joke of the Day

"I hate sitting comfortably on the couch and then discovering my phone is more than an arm's length away. Also more than a leg's length away."

"How can you tell Cap'n Crunch is terrible? He hasn't been promoted since 1963..."

"Told my doctor I had a headache. He gave me 2 hollowpoint ""pills"" and a 9mm ""delivery system"" Damn Obama Care."

"Know how to get people to stop showing pictures of their kids? reply with ""Mmmm fuck yeah"""

"What's white, plastic, and not suitable for ages 5 and under? Michael Jackson"

"I'm not condescending! Try and count how many times I've been condescending! Exactly; you can't cause you're a dumbass."

"I asked God for a bike... ... but then realized that is not how God works. So I stole some kid's bike and asked God for forgiveness."

"What is the Opposite of Palindrom? NTSCindrom HAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHA"

"Despite its deceivingly yummy smell, this bar of oatmeal almond soap tastes just like soap."

"A fairy tale for men One day a handsome young man proposes to his girlfriend, but she says no. And the man lives happily ever after!"