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Joke of the Day

"what is better than roses on your piano? tulips on your organ"

"I'd definitely watch a show with Dr. Phil going door to door reading people's Google search history out-loud with the most judgmental stare."

"I feel like the length of my twitter name is juuuuuust wedging me out of many MANY #FF tweets #delusional"

"How's anal like your first car? (x-post from r/funny) You don't really want it, but your dad gives it to you anyways. (From Dark Humor on FB)"

"Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit"

"I was looking at the fruit in the bowl, thinking... How the fuck did I end up with a gay goldfish..."

"Don't you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?"

"Why have the French lost the war? They have to eat a dessert after each meal."

"You remind me of someone I'd never like to meet."

"What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large"