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Joke of the Day

"Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit"

"Whats the month people get most drunk in? Febrewery"

"It doesn't matter how much you move the envelope It'll still be stationary."

"Roger Federer asked what the large silver dish was for. ""Seconds"", they replied."

"Hot Pringles in your area want you to jam your whole fist in their cans."

"I'm crap at telling jokes. I keep on punching up the fuck lines."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year."

"I dated a really multicultural girl First she gave me a French kiss. Then she gave me an Australian kiss. I thought I'd show her I'm cultured too, so I gave her a Glasgow kiss."

"Why do sorority girls travel in odd numbers? Because they can't even..."

"Pool Went for a swim in one of those infinity pools earlier...couldn't finish a length :-("