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Joke of the Day

"3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: ""Privacy, please"" 3yo: ""Oh, right"" *closes door* ""Now we have privacy, Mommy"""

"What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker? Your job still sucks"

"[1st date] ""I'm really into roll playing,"" I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss."

"How are asians and really obese people alike? They both can't see their dicks, but they know it's there."

"turn-ons: eye contact people who pay attention to me people who know how to push my buttons oh god im a television how did this h"

"Whose son was Edward the Black Prince ? Old King Coal !"

"Now I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she out in the field with a shovel & idk man she's diggin for somethin. Oh burying a body? Ok then"

"Why do girls always get mad when I try to read their shirts? It's not my fault I'm blind."

"My ex-wife is like Barbie... The bitch has everything."

"Royal jokes. (discuss) I want to see what jokes people can come up with about the British Royal family."