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Joke of the Day

"*draws a sharpie mustache on my grandma* lol you cant hang loser. passin out w/ shoes on? rookie ""Sir please step away from the casket"""

"Q: How do small people call each other? A: On microphones."

"If you love something set it on fire. If it doesn't die, you have a dragon."

"What does getting pregnant and locking your car keys in your car have in common? They can both be fixed with a coat hanger."

"My girlfriend is like an 07 Nappa Valley Pinot Noir Full-bodied and matured, pairs well with meat, and has a smooth, aromatic aftertaste"

"teaching my 1yo daughter to shout ""Mike Wazowski!"" every time someone opens a closet door"

"What type of doctor did Batman visit after Bane broke his back? A Chiroptopracter."

"I'm the master at playing 'The floor is lava' *Lies on the couch*"

"I'm getting tired of all these Nepal jokes. Come on guys, shake things up."

"What does the sign of an out of business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed."