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Joke of the Day

"HIM: If you're upset that people think you're weird, have you tried being less weird? ME: [eating ice cream with chopsticks] Yes."

"I like my women like i like my coffee.. Ground up on the back of an alpaca somewhere in south america."

"I just found out that there's a dating site for people with mullets and the people who love them. Lol! *looks over shoulder* *signs up*"

"Roses are red, violets are blue I'm schizophrenic, and so am I"

"What do you call a kid with one arm and three legs? Unfortunate."

"What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!"

"I like to listen to the Star Fox theme song to congratulate myself for having a successful string of social interactions"

"Someday, I will make a great dad.... I don't have any parenting experience, but I *can* tell terrible jokes."

"airplane food whats up with that?"

"With Instagram's new video function, we will now be able to hear the quacks from all the duck faces."