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Joke of the Day

"Someday, I will make a great dad.... I don't have any parenting experience, but I *can* tell terrible jokes."

"'I am your God, and now it is night!' I say as I turn the fish tank light off."

"I imagine by now all you Evian drinkers have read the name backwards?"

"I've been looking everywhere for my U2 CD... but I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

"A cop asked me if I was high last night. I was on my balcony at my apartment and told him, ""For being three floors up higher than you, I'd say I am!"""

"Why is it a long and expensive process for fruit to get married They just cantelope"

"What is a caterpillar's biggest fear? A dogerpillar."

"Just saw a homeless guy yelling at his shadow. You know what that means right? SIX MORE WEEKS OF RECESSION!"

"Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said ""strip down facing me,"" she meant my credit card."

"Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls? His hardware was Microsoft"