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Joke of the Day

"I just burned 2000 calories... That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap!!!"

"How do I tell a man he loves me?"

"R.I.P Satoru Iwata He's pushing Peaches and Daisies now."

"I woke up hungover but couldn't make myself throw up. So I guess I have a lotta shit to deal with today."

"Don't expect a ""bless you"" after you sprayed me down with your sneeze."

"I watched craps at the casino for over an hour tonight until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom."

"My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her ""bitch refresher course""."

"Desire to not get beat up > Desire to wear a cloak"

"I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a BDSM session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Cosmetology school was a real letdown. Anyone wanna buy a spacesuit?"