47330

Joke of the Day

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four to beat the shit out of the black guy who was originally hired to change the bulb."

"""chill before serving"" is the best advice I can think of if you're an angry waitress"

"It must be hard to send Barack Obama a Thank You card without sounding sarcastic."

"New York Sports"

"Being sick sucks. I've laid in bed for days, ate nothing, lost 4 pounds, didn't go to work and slept nonstop. Wait. Being sick is AWESOME!"

"I've never gotten in a car accident whenever I'm drunk or high. So, statistically, based on the data, I am a worse driver when I'm sober. Now where's my whiskey?"

"Dogs have 10 expressions for ""I love you! I love you!"" and cats have 10 for ""I hope you die slowly in a fire but feed me dinner first."""

"The past, the present and the future walked into a bar It was tense"

"What do my ex and a box of chocolate have in common? They kill my dog."

"End a boring conversation by opening an umbrella in their face"