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Joke of the Day

"Neighbor: I need to run to the store. Can you watch the baby? Me (thinks of Daredevil cued up on Netflix): I am a registered sex offender"

"Which is better an old ten dollar bill or a new one? An old ten dollar bill is better than a new one."

"If every person in the world held hands around the equator a significant portion of them would drown."

"I've never smoked weed before but the frequency with which I pass out, hand in a bag of snack chips, leads me to believe I'd be good at it."

"I ran into a fat guy on the way to work Luckily I bounced back"

"I've decided to name my penis Napoleon... ...because there's a big misconception that it's short, but it's actually average sized"

"Me: *to dog* what should I wear today bud? Dog: *pants*"

"What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ!"

"just a racist joke do you know why **race of your choice** are so good at triathlon? because they run to get to the public swimming-pool and return home on a bicycle"

"The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar It was tense."