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Joke of the Day

"A 1911 and a Glock walk into a bar.. The 1911 says to the Glock: ""Hey, ugly foreigner, want to do a drinking contest?"" The Glock says ""You old idiot, you can only last 8 rounds!"""

"How did Jim start losing weight after the holidays? He just quit eating cold turkey."

"What kind of drugs to tumblr users take? Anti-oppressants."

"How does one call a female COCK-roach? A henroach. No pussy joke here, you dirty pervert."

"What do you call a semi truck with it's load half empty? Pessimist Prime"

"I'm not saying she's a slut, but if she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she did in her, She'd be a porcupine!"

"This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby. When you wake up, you just know something bad happened."

"Breaking: Man takes longer to find emoji than it would have taken him to find words that convey what he wanted."

"On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election."

"I bought a new boomerang but it sucks, because i cannot throw my old one away."