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Joke of the Day

"With all the conflicts in the world, the board game Risk has taught me the first thing we should do is invade Australia."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his food before it was cool."

"Then they came for the bins, and I did not speak out, because I was not a bin man, and they were, and that was their job."

"Episodes 4, 5, and 6 of Star Wars came before episodes 1, 2, and 3... ...because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."

"Q:what did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall? A:Damn"

"""So how did you two meet?"" ""Unfortunately."""

"I seruptitously flicked a booger on a guy who was being mean to his wife. If this is what being a sniper feels like, I like it."

"What did the Frenchman say when he saw a dirty toilet? Eau de Toilette! (eww, the toilet)"

"Whats the difference between a tractor and a giraffe? (first ever post in a year on reddit!) One has hydraulics and the other high bollocks! Brilliantly told by my Irish cousin."

"Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party."