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Joke of the Day

"Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party."

"What does a blonde playing the drums sound like? Dumb chick dumb chick dumb chick..."

"What does walking a tightrope and having period sex have in common? You don't want to look down, in either case."

"Last words of an electrician... ... ""the fuck dis cable?"""

"Customer: Waiter there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing."

"Guy passes a buff guy on the street and asks, ""Are you a pole vaulter?"" He says, ""No, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"""

"A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a Tiger Wood."

"""Wow, it's pouring out there."" ""Just let a smile be your umbrella!"" ""That's not how rain works, Karen."""

"I'm having a party for men with erectile dysfunction If you can't come let me know."

"Can't believe I'm not invited to things I'd never go to."