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Joke of the Day

"Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up"

"Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels. #circuseverydamnday"

"Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat."

"How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw it in, one to call the media and publicize and one to blame the Democrats on the electric bill."

"Man I hate shower sex... Its hot, crowded, and i can never fit my junk into the faucet."

"Why did the punk-rocker cross the road? He had a chicken stapled to his face."

"How do you make five pounds of fat look sexy? Slap a nipple on it."

"My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop cheating on her Damn, I never thought she took a card game this seriously."

"Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I wasn't going to miss seeing myself on ""America's Most Wanted."""

"A Jew with a boner runs into a wall He breaks his nose"