46984

Joke of the Day

"Cop failed me on the sobriety test even tho I not only touched my nose like he asked but went on & totally nailed the rest of the macarena."

"My doctor said to be careful when i drive underground with other people in the car Otherwise i might get carpool tunnel syndrome"

"cop: ""you're drunk, get out of the car."" judas: ""bbut I've bbeen on tthe water all night."" - [jesus whistles innocently]"

"You know who probably has a lot of money? Bill Cosby's drug dealer...."

"Cubs fans last night looked more distraught than Patrick Kane's last blind date."

"How does a black women tell she is pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked."

"If someone doesn't stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it's totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by."

"I never knew the word ""mom"" could even have 7 syllables until I had kids."

"My Mom taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated so I always walk up to strangers and spray canned cheese in their mouth."

"Why do hipsters always burn their mouth when they eat? BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO EAT BEFORE IT WAS COOL!"