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Joke of the Day

"How does a black women tell she is pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked."

"Who drives away all his customers ? A taxi driver."

"Some lesbians built a house on my block... It was all tongue-in-groove with no studs."

"The girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat."

"[Enter restaurant] WIFE: See if you can get us a table ME: Ok [1 minute later] ME: [sprinting towards wife, carrying table] START THE CAR"

"My work day - 8:00-11:30 - wonder what I'll eat for lunch today 11:30 - 12:00 - eat lunch 12:00 - 4:30 - Damn lunch was good."

"I think my girlfriend's love for Einstein's theories is driving us away from each other. But, hey. I'll be a good guy and understand if she just wants some time and space."

"The scariest thing about the terrorists is how fast they can do the monkey bars in their training camp videos."

"There are two types of people in the world: Those who like pastries... And those who donut."

"me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping? flight attendant: no there's a fire in the cockpit me: oh thank god"