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Joke of the Day

"My father reminds me of Jesus Christ. Not that he resembles him or anything. Its just that he left, said he was gonna come back, and never did."

"Do you like Dragons? Cause I'm gunna be dragon these balls across your face!"

"Who's the idiot that named it a Brazilian and not a Tropical Smoothie?"

"If Rob Ford was a duck what he would be smoking? Quack"

"I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me. At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse."

"If you're not sure how to spell a word, there are thousands of English professors on Twitter who will correct you."

"Stop calling yourself sexy. The only thing you turn on is a microwave."

"Voting this year will be like going to the dentist... No one wants to do it, but we all know we should for our own good."

"How do you capture a polar bear? 1. Dig a hole in the ice. 2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole 3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole."

"Some women have names that simply demand respect. The few. The proud. The Maureens."