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Joke of the Day

"Political views are like children. Some people don't have one or want one. Others keep trying to show theirs off."

"What did the casket say to the sick casket? Are you coffin?"

"Lack creativity? Do you like doing the exact same thing every day all day? Open a barbershop in Asia."

"Have you heard of the new band The Transmission Lines? I hear they have so much potential."

"Why didn't the pirate get into the movie? It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"No wonder hell finally froze over for the Cubs... ...because the devil left to be President"

"What's the difference between a baby and a big bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would NEVER let a big bag of cocaine fall out a window!"

"Dear men, I can make your girl scream louder than you can ever make her! Love, Spiders"

"Me, as a judge: OK we'll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*"

"The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020. That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III."