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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a statistician secretly gives out clothes? Discreet uniform distribution"

"[date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct"

"I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult."

"I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work. Then I painted my computer white so it would work. Now the whole system is corrupt."

"What's the name of the strongest duck out there? PSYtama."

"Amsterdam is a lot like the Tour de France. It's just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes."

"What do you call a roman emperor with epilepsy? Julius Seizure"

"Most of my sextapes are on DVD.. except for that gay one where I Blu-Ray."

"I have a disorder where I see Tom Jones lyrics wherever I go But it's not unusual"

"How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue!"