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Joke of the Day

"Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years."

"The phrase 'lazy asshole' is an oxymoron... Because an asshole gets shit done."

"Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, ""It smells fishy around here."""

"I was gonna tell you about anal But fuck it"

"Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No."

"What does OSU and Ronda Rousey have in common? They were both undefeated until the final kick."

"I was gonna make a chemistry joke Then i realized all the good ones argon."

"Why do women like men who can work on cars? They know how to work under the hood!"

"What's Hitlers favorite video game? Space Invaders"

"A woman once told me to look at the world through her eyes. So I looked out the kitchen window."