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Joke of the Day

"I drank my recommended amount of water today, yay! Okay, well there was some vodka mixed in every cup, but still."

"What road do crazy people take? The Pyscho**path**"

"Husband and wife near wishing well. Suddenly wife slips and fell in the well. Terrified husband: Noooooooooo...I can't believe it's working!"

"TIL that in the US a woman is raped every 56 seconds And boy is my dick starting to get sore."

"Golfer: ""Caddy do you think my game is improving?"" Caddy: ""Oh yes sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."""

"What do you call a circumcision for a dollar? A rip off!"

"Her: I think you're getting too into those Hobbit movies Me: *stops gluing a beard on the baby* what?"

"Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? Because the didn't have the guts to do it."

"How many PMSing women does it take to change a lightbulb? Six. Why? It just does! OKAY!"

"DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery."