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Joke of the Day

"If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside."

"Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth."

"I once had a substitute that had no rules, except for no Smashmouth. I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face."

"The American healthcare system ."

"She needs to slow her roll. Only been with my girlfriend for two months and she wants to meet my parents. She needs to chill, i waited nine months before meeting them myself."

"The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a scalpel, a bonesaw, a chest spreader, & ten cc's of nothing to lose."

"What is your favorite ""My dick is so big.."" joke? Mine is, ""My dick is so big that, at the movie theater, popcorn comes in small, medium, large and my dick."""

"I've GOT to get a life stenographer. It'd be great to say, ""Betty, read back last night so I can see why I put a skillet on my nightstand."""

"REALLY?! WHY?! - my reaction to meeting a white guy named Andre"

"[Spanish w/ translation] Cual es es la risa mas picante? Ahi Ahi Ahi Translation: What is the spiciest laugh? Pepper pepper pepper"