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Joke of the Day

"She needs to slow her roll. Only been with my girlfriend for two months and she wants to meet my parents. She needs to chill, i waited nine months before meeting them myself."

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"Klondike bars, Hitler did it for one"
"""The hits just keep on coming."" - A radio Dj/abusive parent."
"What is the lifespan of an owl? 6 1/2 books."
"Two zombies, Greg and John, are sitting in the cemetery. Greg says: ""Didn`t Peter also want to come?"" John answers: ""Yes, but he is late."""
"Doc : You have been diagnosed with obesity. Me : Yeah it runs in my family. Doc : Nobody runs in your family, you fat fuck."
"So, I was talking to my friend who runs a scrap yard. I asked how business was... ... He replied: ""pretty good, I've seen a bit of a pickup recently."""
"What's blue and white and sits up a tree? A fridge wearing a denim jacket."
"I can't watch porn with a storyline cause I get too invested and end up worrying about the delivery man losing his job for taking so long :("
"Small kid : Mom what happens when you die? Mom : Your soul will go to heaven. Small kid : No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?"