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Joke of the Day

"I've GOT to get a life stenographer. It'd be great to say, ""Betty, read back last night so I can see why I put a skillet on my nightstand."""

"If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with ""Portmanteau."""

"You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father's Day, internet."

"Can't trust anyone that refuses to admitnThey are wrong. nnSidenote: I do have a place to hide their bodies."

"I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes."

"Do you know why... ...they bury lawyers 10 feet under, instead of the usual 6 feet under? Because ""deep down"" they're good people."

"It was raining... The man blotting his wet shoes with newspapers, explained, ""These are The Times that dry men's soles."""

"What do slutty nurses go as for Halloween?"

"What is a cannibal's favorite soup Sign language soup"

"Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak..."